This year I want to feel
Letting go with ease of what isn’t serving me. That sounds oxymoronic–open to letting go–open my mind to the possibility that when I free myself from the ideas that are keeping me stuck, I can make space for what needs to be.
Forgiving . . . what seems like a life time of heartbreak
Trusting myself. This is just so big/hard/hairy/scary I will start small. I need to write more about trust.
Honoring my soul self. Honoring that person who I was and loved before I let life happen to me–I want my soul self to come out and play.
Love. Open myself to being loved. (this is another hard one for me, I know I need to generously love myself more fully without judgement.)
I’m a huge fan of reading the definition of words before I use them and before I suggest them to other people. When I read the antonyms for open–closed, shut, stuck, unavailable, seal, private . . . I knew that I didn’t want to feel those things anymore.
What we DON’T want is a great insight into what we do want. I don’t want to feel stuck, unavailable, sealed up, closed off . . . those tight-fisted, gritting my teeth, seething eyes are no longer how I want to feel.
1 the door’s open: not shut, not closed, unlocked, unbolted, unlatched, off the latch, unfastened, unsecured; ajar, gaping, wide open, yawning. ANTONYMS closed, shut.
2 a blue silk shirt, open at the neck: unfastened, not done up, undone, loose; unbuttoned, unzipped, unbuckled, untied, unlaced.
3 the main roads are open: clear, passable, navigable, unblocked, unobstructed. ANTONYMS blocked, impassable.
4 open countryside | open spaces: unenclosed, rolling, sweeping, extensive, wide open, unfenced, exposed, unsheltered; spacious, airy, uncrowded, uncluttered; undeveloped, unbuilt-up. ANTONYMS enclosed, developed.
5 a map was open beside him: spread out, unfolded, unfurled, unrolled; extended, stretched out. ANTONYMS closed (up), folded.
6 the bank wasn’t open: open for business, open to the public. ANTONYMS closed.
7 the position is still open: available, vacant, free, unfilled; informal up for grabs. ANTONYMS unavailable, filled.
8 the system is open to abuse: vulnerable to, subject to, susceptible to, liable to, exposed to, an easy target for, at risk of, permitting of. ANTONYMS immune.
9 she was open about her feelings: frank, candid, honest, forthcoming, communicative, forthright, direct, unreserved, plain-spoken, outspoken, straightforward, blunt, not afraid to call a spade a spade; informal upfront; archaic free-spoken. ANTONYMS secretive, withdrawn.
10 open hostility: overt, obvious, patent, manifest, palpable, conspicuous, plain, undisguised, unconcealed, clear, apparent, evident; blatant, flagrant, barefaced, brazen. ANTONYMS concealed.
11 the case is still open: unresolved, undecided, unsettled, yet to be settled, up in the air; open to debate, open for discussion, arguable, debatable, moot. ANTONYMS resolved, concluded.
12 an open mind: impartial, unbiased, unprejudiced, objective, disinterested, nonpartisan, nondiscriminatory, neutral, dispassionate, detached. ANTONYMS biased, one-sided.
13 I’m open to suggestions: receptive, amenable, willing to listen, ready to listen, responsive.
14 what other options are open to us? available, accessible, on hand, obtainable.
15 an open meeting: public, general, unrestricted, nonexclusive, nonrestrictive. ANTONYMS private.
1 she opened the front door: unfasten, unlatch, unlock, unbolt, unbar; throw wide. ANTONYMS close, shut.
2 Katherine opened the parcel: unwrap, undo, untie, unseal. ANTONYMS wrap, seal.
3 shall I open another bottle? uncork, broach, crack (open). ANTONYMS seal, cork.
4 Adam opened the map: spread out, unfold, unfurl, unroll, straighten out; extend, stretch out. ANTONYMS close, fold up.
5 he opened his heart to her: reveal, uncover, expose, lay bare, bare, pour out, disclose, divulge.
6 we’re hoping to open next month: open for business, start trading, set up shop; informal hang out one’s shingle.
7 Valerie opened the meeting: begin, start, commence, initiate, set in motion, launch, get going, get underway, get the ball rolling, get off the ground; inaugurate; informal kick off, get the show on the road. ANTONYMS conclude, end.
8 the lounge opens on to a balcony: give access to, lead to, be connected to, communicate with; face, overlook, command a view of.
First Empty, Then Fill
On January 1, 2016, I made a commitment to myself. I used that day to “unload” everything that was unhappy/not working/hurt/shame/fill in the blank–I let everything go. I felt empty. I cried A LOT. It took me 4 years to get the a point where I could look at myself in such a way that would allow me to START the healing process. 4 years! It hasn’t been off and on–half-hearted–it has been 4 years of showing up everyday scared and afraid of what might happen if I really allowed myself to be the person that I lost along the way.
Finally, I was ready. I just knew. I had a peacefulness surrounding my “jump”. I see life now with even greater joy. I’m ready to be me.
I’m OPEN . . .